Since starting self-medding hormones about 5-6 months ago, i’ve felt more and more feminen and feel more girly then i have ever been. Yet, i look in the mirror and still see a boyish face with a hairy face that reminds me of who i am (or was).
This makes me feel a little unhappy and makes me wish i wasn’t born like this. I remember as a child i used to paint my nail with felt tip pens and my Step-dad (at the time) got very angry with me and dragged me to the bathroom and roughly washed my hands and nails, and i cryed alot, i didn’t understand why it was like this, i just liked to paint my nails because mi thought my hands would look boring otherwise. It was a time in my life i thought i could do anything and no harm would be done, simply because i was just a kid, but i wrong. I wasn’t aloud to be myself, my mom didn’t understand for a long time, in some ways, she still don’t, but she try not to worry about some things anymore.
After that, i tryed to paint my nails in secret and remove them quickly too. In high school, i really wanted to have my nais painted and walk around like it was nothing, but i scarred, because of the previous experiences in my childhood
It’s took me into my adulthood to start being myself again but still finding it hard to do what i want, and to tell people im trans. Only 4 or 5 people know, but i feel strongly to tell everyone, so i don’t have to keep hiding in the shadows any longer, because thats all i’ve done all my life, hiding..