Father’s day only brings up bad memories for me.

Father’s Day: the day people either sends cards, or spend the day with thier father, doing whatever they do with them.

 

Not for me.

 

I’ve had bad experiences as a kid, before i was born my biological dad left me and mom with another woman who apparently was pregnant with another child of his. I never recieved anything from him either, not even a birthday or christmas card. Then a couple of years after my mom married another man who became my step-dad…… and my nightmare.

 

I was an innocent kid, doing anything that i liked, but this man took exception to me doing what i want, especially when i was learning the diffrences in genders and i started painting my nails with felt tips. He roughly dragged me to the bathroom and washed my nails in the sink, all while i was crying, i didn’t understand why he was being vicious, i was just being a 3 year old kid.

 

After that and other events, i lost confidence and self-esteem at my own home, i was scared to do anything, unless i did in secret, away from both parents eyes. I always hid in my own bedroom, only coming out on occasion and for dinner, then i’d be straight back upstairs. I still got abuse from time to time, but it was mostly psychological. He continued to catch me colouring my nails and even my face sometimes and he even called me sissy and girly (oh how true that was!), but he made it sound like i should be ashamed of myself, but i knew somewhere deep down i was female, just very afraid to be myself, because of him.

 

I believe, if i didn’t have that man as my step-father, i would’ve started transitioning at a much younger age.

 

So, father’s day is nothing but painful memories for me. Now days i don’t have a father to speak of. And i am sure i’m not the only one as there are others who had a really shit dad who treated them very poorly. Remember those people and me on a father’s day. There’s nothing for us to celebrate (doubly true if we don’t have kids of our own).

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