Being misgendered is really painful.

So, recently I have had work, wont name the company because what I’m writing haven’t got anything to do with them, but a few colleagues. Well, and myself, a bit, for not speaking up, but I’ll explain why.

So, for 3 days, I have been working at a racecourse, I won’t say where, but I was working in the kitchens away from punters eyes and around a lot of staff. Most of whom, was misgendering me, constantly.

And I couldn’t say anything. Even when I tried I got talked over and it made it harder for me to speak up. Like I had a mental block and they just kept on talking, making a presumtion that I was a hetero male who wants kids and get married. They absolutly were closed minded about who I was as an individual and making automatic assumtions and made it difficult for me to speak up and tell them I’m nothing of the sort in their head.

Eventually I did get to tell one of them that I am a girl, not a guy on the last day. Yet, I still got misgendered, even been referred to as a “gentlemen” by one of those guys. The second day, which was also the first day being around a certain group for 2 days, was the worst. I felt like absolute crap, constantly misgendered and had either an anxiety attack or maybe was feeling very dysphoric, as this was hugely triggering. I didn’t think I’d ever get misgendered so badly it would happen all day, for I thought that it couldn’t hapen now, after being on HRT for 3 years, but I guess my voice or the dreaded beard shadow gives people a different perception of who I am. It felt like a massive wake up call for me, as I was taking it for granted that people saw me as a woman, yet, I was proven wrong at a workplace environment.

 

After leaving work on the second day and after talking to my girlfriend Alice on the phone, I cried. I cried after getting home and being held by Alice. I hadn’t felt so pathetic and dismissive by strangers before in my life and it really hurt so, so badly. I’m glad that hellish 3 days is over.

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Changes

I love when things change naturally. When I’m not forcing myself or something else to change and let things evolve.

My last (nearly) 3 years of transitioning…. evolving…. has brough a lot of natual changes.

One of these being my move from the nest of my hometown to a near 3 hour drive up north to be with my girlfriend whom I adore and love so much. We may have difficult times together, but through love and understanding, we come to love each other more and more.

Another change is discovering new things within hobbies and fandom. Like discovering new favourites in wrestling and videogames. Right now while typing this I’m watching NJPW (New Japan Pro Wrestling) Wrestle Kingdom 10 and seeing old and new faces in wrestling that I wouldn’t see watching WWE and TNA all the Time.

Another change is Jobs. Currently looking for a new one since leaving last job after all my contracted days were up 2 weeks ago.

 

I’m now looking forward to what 2016 will bring in terms of my personal changes and evolving! xox

Second GIC appointment and walk around London

Yesterday was the day I had my second GIC appointment and started with some new changes.

Started my day arriving in london and made my way straight to Fulham Palace Road by the underground (subway). Went straight to a cafe to have breakfast and killed some time. Got to the GIC afterwards and went through some small admin stuff and went in when it was time to talk to the person who I was seeing.

She started off talking about things that I had already talked about in a previous meeting, but more stuff came out that made me feel uncomfortable. Also informed them that I was moving soon to my girlfriends up in yorkshire and they have said that they will try and get me transfered to the Sheffield GIC for my follow ups.

They had “warned” me that if I kept on taking spiro and/or cypro, that I would start coughing up blood and start dying from the stuff. And that I won’t get GRS or anything presribed to me if I kept on self medding. Basically heavy duty gatekeeping me, threatening me and generally bullying me and still trying to appear friendly. Plus, they were also like, “well, we’re just going by some guidelines by the______” (can’t remember who they said the guidelines they were following)

This has given a bit of a mixed feelings and worries like the possibility of many changes, mostly internally, would revert back tomore male-ness, like morning woods (eugh), manly thinking (worse eugh) and other things (that I can’t think of, but still, eugh!!!).

They said to me though “what changes”, as like, nothing would revert back if all I’m taking is finastride and 2mg estrogen. But I’m worried my T levels will spike back up and simply taking low dosage of E isn’t going to stop or block off my natural T, but increase it instead.

After that was all said and done, I left and headed to the main Charing Cross hospital, where I had a lot of blood taken out of me (about 6 or 7 capsules) to check on various things. It would not surprise me if everything came out ok.

After that, I went to the cafe I was at earlier to wait for Evelyn to arrive, as we had already planned to chill out with each other. Which we did, but we often got lost but found our way again until the time came when I had to rush myself to the coach station and jump on board my coach before it departed.

I am now trying to only take one estrogen and finnastride tablets and I hope I’ll be ok, but I’m unsure that I will be, as I believe it’s a dangerous and terrible idea not to be taking any T blockers, as I’ve already said why above.

Don’t ask me if I had “the operation” and don’t call me “sir”!

Today I was at the charity shop that the lovely (sarcasm) Seetec and Jobcenter had sent me too. I’m on my second Friday out of 4 fridays there, and transphobia and misgendering happend.

Starting off first with some woman who I believe has MH issues, was trying to joke with me about “men wearing dresses”, I then stamered trying to tell her that it’s not ok to say things like that. Earlier she keeps on interupting me trying to have a chat with the lovely manager is well a couple of times which naturally I was a little annoyed about, but I digress.

Later on I was sitting by the till with another volutare and the inevitable happend.

“Have you had the operation yet?”

The ultimate thing a cis person can ask a trans person that makes the recipient feel very uncomfortable makes one wonder if this person who asks this has any boundries at all.

I tried to tell them that it’s not ok to ask that but as usual with cis people, they try to make an excuse. Their’s were “but there was this man on TV who…..” *brain switched off*

Yeah, very uncomfortable. It made me wonder why I had ever talked to this person.

Lastly, someone tried to call my phone up many times, only for them or me by accident, hung up. Well I managed to answer this one time and it was someone from my mobile phone operator. They were trying to get me topossibly part some cash a month on some new plan with a new sim card, all the while calling me “sir” even after I told them my name! AAAARRRRRGHHH!!!

You can bet i’m not going to take up their offer!

If these things in the charity shop happen again, I shall talk to the lovely manager (and she is very lovely) about what is happening, because I won’t put up with this crap! And neither should any other trans person who has or will be put in the same position as I have!

My day in London and at the GIC.

Hiya.

So yesterday I was at London for my first GIC appointment and it has gone well.

So, the first thing I did yesterday was to get up, have sandwich and tea, feed the cat and made sure I had everything plus put my make-up on and walked all the way to the bus station and just as I showed up, the coached showed up at the same time. Awesome. On one of the stops, my companion, an older transwoman, came on. She was going to accompany me and help me find my way to the GIC building, which was much needed as this is (of course) my first time going there.

So as we got to London Victoria coach station, the first order of business was to get an oyster card. It was £5 deposit for the card…. blimey! Then once I got that we head to the bus stop to get on the number 211 bus and head to the clinic.

At the clinic, I was waiting for my turn and I nearly dozed off. But any, got to see the doctor…. psychologist…. whatever, and got what I wanted. To possibly get funding for Laser Hair Removal (He said 8 sessions, which I didn’t expect, tbh.), hormones (prescription), which might get to start after my next GIC appointment and, maybe, GRS…. If I do want it (I’m leaning towards that I do want GRS…. but not entirely sure). He seemed pleased with the evidence of me doing stuff like volunatry stuff with the Pink Panthers Movement International Trans Chapter and me appearing on the local news for the trans booklet back on TDoR.

After that, went to the main Charing Cross hospital building to get my blood taken then went to the resturant for food. went back to the GIC because I forgot about travel expenses, didn’t have proof of me being on JSA…. Doh!

And walked around a bit (a few hours almost). Had a sausage roll and later chips and chicken burger then waited at the Coach Station for the coach home.

Got home, made me feel very grateful to be living in Norfolk, it’s very polluted down there in London. I’m deffo not going back until my next appointment (In June)!