Being misgendered is really painful.

So, recently I have had work, wont name the company because what I’m writing haven’t got anything to do with them, but a few colleagues. Well, and myself, a bit, for not speaking up, but I’ll explain why.

So, for 3 days, I have been working at a racecourse, I won’t say where, but I was working in the kitchens away from punters eyes and around a lot of staff. Most of whom, was misgendering me, constantly.

And I couldn’t say anything. Even when I tried I got talked over and it made it harder for me to speak up. Like I had a mental block and they just kept on talking, making a presumtion that I was a hetero male who wants kids and get married. They absolutly were closed minded about who I was as an individual and making automatic assumtions and made it difficult for me to speak up and tell them I’m nothing of the sort in their head.

Eventually I did get to tell one of them that I am a girl, not a guy on the last day. Yet, I still got misgendered, even been referred to as a “gentlemen” by one of those guys. The second day, which was also the first day being around a certain group for 2 days, was the worst. I felt like absolute crap, constantly misgendered and had either an anxiety attack or maybe was feeling very dysphoric, as this was hugely triggering. I didn’t think I’d ever get misgendered so badly it would happen all day, for I thought that it couldn’t hapen now, after being on HRT for 3 years, but I guess my voice or the dreaded beard shadow gives people a different perception of who I am. It felt like a massive wake up call for me, as I was taking it for granted that people saw me as a woman, yet, I was proven wrong at a workplace environment.

 

After leaving work on the second day and after talking to my girlfriend Alice on the phone, I cried. I cried after getting home and being held by Alice. I hadn’t felt so pathetic and dismissive by strangers before in my life and it really hurt so, so badly. I’m glad that hellish 3 days is over.

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Don’t ask me if I had “the operation” and don’t call me “sir”!

Today I was at the charity shop that the lovely (sarcasm) Seetec and Jobcenter had sent me too. I’m on my second Friday out of 4 fridays there, and transphobia and misgendering happend.

Starting off first with some woman who I believe has MH issues, was trying to joke with me about “men wearing dresses”, I then stamered trying to tell her that it’s not ok to say things like that. Earlier she keeps on interupting me trying to have a chat with the lovely manager is well a couple of times which naturally I was a little annoyed about, but I digress.

Later on I was sitting by the till with another volutare and the inevitable happend.

“Have you had the operation yet?”

The ultimate thing a cis person can ask a trans person that makes the recipient feel very uncomfortable makes one wonder if this person who asks this has any boundries at all.

I tried to tell them that it’s not ok to ask that but as usual with cis people, they try to make an excuse. Their’s were “but there was this man on TV who…..” *brain switched off*

Yeah, very uncomfortable. It made me wonder why I had ever talked to this person.

Lastly, someone tried to call my phone up many times, only for them or me by accident, hung up. Well I managed to answer this one time and it was someone from my mobile phone operator. They were trying to get me topossibly part some cash a month on some new plan with a new sim card, all the while calling me “sir” even after I told them my name! AAAARRRRRGHHH!!!

You can bet i’m not going to take up their offer!

If these things in the charity shop happen again, I shall talk to the lovely manager (and she is very lovely) about what is happening, because I won’t put up with this crap! And neither should any other trans person who has or will be put in the same position as I have!

“Anti-cis” and TDoR.

I’ve been seeing on twitter quite a bit of fellow trans* people saying stuff like, “I don’t know why people are anti-cis”.

So, i’m typing this up because I find it really dis-heartening that there are trans* people who seem ignorant by the amount of delibereate and accidental abuse by cis folks againts trans* folks. Small stuff like, misgendering, stereotyping and discrimination. And major stuff like murders.

Now, not every abuse and murder etc. are becuse of a persons trans* status, I get that. But more that it’s a simple fact that the majority of trans* people murdered are by cis people…… Except, maybe just this one.

Sonia Burgess, a gender variant person and lawyer, was killed by a tube train and Nina, also *trans, went to jail for her death. ( You can read more about this here and (TW: Lots of misgendering) here)

So, except for that one (complicated) case, the majority of trans* murders is by cis people. Understand why most trans* people are weary of cis people yet?

I’m sure these figures might give you some idea of why trans* people look over their backs and each others:

TDOR-WOT

 

From between 19/11/2013 and 14/11/2014, over 268 trans* people was murdered. Now i’m not sure if all of them was by cis people, but the majority would be. And not all of them was because of transphobia, some of these murders were racist, anti-sex workers etc. A startling statistic is that “Every 32 hours a transwoman is reported murdered.” You can read more on the TVTP report here! Despite there being no murders in Britain for the past year (yay!), that doesn’t mean it wont happen in the future. There are still cases of misgendering and sterotyping everyday in trans peoples lives (including myself) and in the media, by cis people (and sometimes, other trans* people).

I might be going to an event locally (depending on other stuff) where there might be a minutes (or longer) silence on Transgender Day of Remembrance.

 

So, these are some of the reasons some trans* people are, so-called “anti-cis”. Of course not every cis person is some axe wielding, trans people hunter. But of course there are a lot of wonderful cis people, take your own family for example, my own family are a great bunch, despite most of them constantly misgendering or dead naming me, with constant reminders, cis-people will get things right in the end and education about trans* peoples needs are vital in tackling transphobia.

So, I hope that on the 20th (or on other days before or after at various different events the world over), many people around the world will take a minute (or more) silence to remember all the trans* people who have died. x

 

Amending by adding this: I don’t really think any trans* person are truly “anti-cis” at all and accusing someone of being “anti-cis” I think is really just trying to stir up trouble. But what I’ve typed up above are only some of the reasons why a trans* person could be just a little bit “anti-cis”, which I think are good enough reasons to be weary of cis strangers, because none of us knows if we might get attacked on the streets at any moment by a cis paerson, which is partly why some trans people have social anxieties and mental health problems (I know of a couple).

So yeah, “anti-cis” is, I believe, unnecessary and can be a harmful thing to call any trans* person. Let’s just drop this awful phrase shall we?!