Changes

I love when things change naturally. When I’m not forcing myself or something else to change and let things evolve.

My last (nearly) 3 years of transitioning…. evolving…. has brough a lot of natual changes.

One of these being my move from the nest of my hometown to a near 3 hour drive up north to be with my girlfriend whom I adore and love so much. We may have difficult times together, but through love and understanding, we come to love each other more and more.

Another change is discovering new things within hobbies and fandom. Like discovering new favourites in wrestling and videogames. Right now while typing this I’m watching NJPW (New Japan Pro Wrestling) Wrestle Kingdom 10 and seeing old and new faces in wrestling that I wouldn’t see watching WWE and TNA all the Time.

Another change is Jobs. Currently looking for a new one since leaving last job after all my contracted days were up 2 weeks ago.

 

I’m now looking forward to what 2016 will bring in terms of my personal changes and evolving! xox

“Passing” and why it’s bollocks.

I don’t “Pass” as a female, and I don’t want too.

I’m trans and I don’t want to run away from the fact, I’ve spent too long in my life pretending to be a boy, but I don’t want to pretend that never happend, that I didn’t live my life as a boy. I did, reluctantly, lived like that even knowing that I was very uncomfortable looking like, addressed as and seen as male. But, that’s a part of my life story and trying to “pass” as female would be like trying to erase 20+ years of me being something else. Something I didn’t like, but still lived with it. Most trans people can’t live with that knowledge or being that gender they never was right now or in the past and that’s fine. But it’s why I don’t want to “pass” for a woman just to look ike a cis woman, I’m not, i’m trans and I’m not ashamed of the fact.

For trans people, to “pass” as female or male in society, means they’re accepted as that binary gender. But for many of us, it’s absolute crap, as it’s quite damaging to a trans persons confidence and self esteem to be told by a cis person that “you don’t pass for a man/woman”. It’s an absolute shit thing to tell a trans person and totally unecessary as some cis people may, by no fault of their own, look like the opposite gender! Also, for a lot of trans people, they have to “pass” to feel safe in many countries that are hostile to trans people, especially trans people of colour. That’s really quite sad, isn’t it? For many trans activists, trying to make society be more open to trans people is the top priority, but it is and has been a tough mountain to climb. Recently, Pink News recently put out a story that trans acceptance (or support) is on the rise in america, despite there still being many deaths of trans people, especially trans woman of colour, because many people still don’t accept trans people!

For the Non-binary, agender etc. trans people, they don’t want to “pass” as, or be, either male or female, and being told they “pass” as one or the other is also damaging to their self esteem and general confidence.

For me, as I already said, I don’t “pass” and I don’t want to. I don’t want to wear make-up everyday, I don’t want to always wear typically girly clothes. I still have facial hair and hair on my torso that I shave regularly out of disgust, not to “pass”. I like presenting androgynous but I don’t call myself gender queer or non-binary or whatever. I am female and I can wear whatever I want and if I don’t “pass”, fine. I don’t care what others ultimatly think about my choices in clothes, but I like showing off my new T-shirt or tank top or skirt, but I am who I am and other trans people are what they are. We don’t really care about passing as we’re not here to please the cis peoples ideas and viewpoints of what a trans woman or man should look like. I don’t do and wear to feel safe, I do and wear to make myself feel comfortable in my own skin and it’s the same for many trans people, wether they also do it to feel safe or not.

So basically, we don’t dress to appeal anyones idea of what a binary man or woman should look like. We just want to feel comfortable in our own skin. That s all. Everyone should respect that.

For my other works, I have a twitter account, a podcast, which has new episodes every Saturday morning, and a Patreon if you would like to support me monthly to keep me creating new content.

Thank you for reading this. x

Anniversary post.

Hello, this time last year i had published my first blog post, so i’m doning this one to mark the occasion and summarise how my year has been.

Short version, full of ups and downs, at least one of them of my own making (a down—er)

So when i did my first post, i was mostly still “In the closet” about my transitioning. The only people who knew were my mom, sister and, i think, nanny. I didn’t feel like i should let anyone else know until i at least got my name changed, which happend 7 months later. So between July and November i was seeing my GP and psychologists and they (psychos) repeatadly told me that i should go to one of these trans meetings. Which i eventually did.

I was, a little nervous, considering i was going to a place full of much much older woman then me and i knew i would’ve felt totally out of place, but it was there where i met Hannah, who wasn’t too much older than me and helped me feel welcomed and we’ve been friends ever since. Which helped me to look forward to going to the meetings even when she wasn’t there.

Fast forward to February now and i got myself a new job and felt a little awkward once again, i was still using my old name and everyone at work assumed i was cis, or at least that i might have been a gay male, i guess. So i wanted to tell them in a unique way of getting my deed poll singed, but i don’t think they quite realised that i was trans from that. I eventually did tell a few people but i don’t think everybody got it, or whatever. Anyway, the night before my deed poll got signed i came out to my friends and family on Facebook and then everybody else on Twitter and changed my name on both. I had a great response from most people, it makes me feel proud that i have such understanding and awesome friends and family.

Then, in may, i lost my job, because i was being an asshole. But i felt like i was getting screwed over, i didn’t think i was getting any recognition for my hard work plus it was zero hours, so not getting a nights work peeved me offwhich resulted in me getting sacked because the boss was an impatient, trigger friendly (when it comes to firing people) middle age (read, old) cis-male douchbag!

Anyway, in the same month i learned that my psychologist had sent a letter of recommendation to Charing Cross, Britains premier center for trans people (har-har). I have yet to get a letter from them though (unsurprisingly).

And finally last month i’ve had one of my better days in years, the suffolk pride. I won’t go into deets as i’ve already done that in my previous post.

So, what will the future bring? Well my hopes are, prescribed hormones, a new job, and, most importantly to me, have a girlfriend who i love (or boyfriend, if that’s possible).

Coming out to friends and family in mass, plus more.

At this time in writing (typing) i have broke the news of my transitioning to family and friends plus my mom has shared it so those family members, for whatever reason arn’t on my friends list, will also know. Currently fromthe tiny amount of people so far that has seen it, it has been all positives so far. ^_^

Also, tomorrow i am having my name changed officially by having the signature witnessed.

Also, in my last blog post i mentioned that the second person i had come out too, well, maybe i didn’t, but anyway, i will now tell everyone come thursday and saturday that my name is officially Serana and im transitioning. So i’ll have to remind everyone there that i’m now to be called serana and not my old, dead, name.

That is all until whenever i’ll blog next time, which could be about a videogame (most likely “The Last of Us”).

It’s been awhile / need to type stuff up to clear my head.

So, it’s been about 2 – 3 months since my last post, time for a quick catch up first.

 

Been to my first trans meeting and talked to other trans people. Meet a very intelligent and friendly person there.

Had a job interview yesterday for the first time in a couple of years.

Got my first lot of make-up. Foundation blusher, bronzer etc. and a mascara. Wore them a few times out and about and nobody appered to have noticed.

Continued to self med hormones, very little has changed. More on that later.

Orderd more clothes, basic stuff like t-shirts and jeans, currently waiting for new undies to arrive (should’ve arrived by today. It’s taking too long).

I think that’s about it. Now to clear my head.

 

Lately, i’ve been noticing little changes in my psychology and apperance, my face slightly appears to be changing but i’m not sure what exactly is changing.

Psychology i’m finding myself to be feeling more and more content and happy. But this isn’t something that’s most striking me, i seem to be getting more happier with shopping now, like before i typically just want to go and grab what i want and leave, but now i feel more prone to just browes, like my mother, even though i try not to.

This evening i had felt a bit wierd so i had to go and lie down and started thinking about all these things and started having different feelings all mashing into one, at one point i nearly started crying, although i wasn’t exactly sure why.

I’ve even been looking at my body recently and started epilating a little bit again, as i have a very hairy body (something that appears to run in the family), I’ve been thinking that waxing would probably be a better alternative as epilating doesn’t seem to work quite well, and takes a long while to finish as im going over areas multiple times just to remove a few untouched hairs.

Also been thinking that, even though my face *seemed* to change sllightly, i still look mostly male, doesn’t help the fact that i still got facial hair. But i have been thinking that i should try laser at advice by some people before possibly moving onto electrolysis. But i have read a few weeks ago that the NHS should now be funding for laser treatments for trans patients again, wether or not my GP and/or psychologists will actually agree to fund it is something i may find out soon.

 

Anyway, got some more make-up about to be delivered soon. Eyeshadow and eyeliner. Would love to try those soon, however i won’t be going out wearing them for some time. Anyway, i don’t know when i’ll write on this blog again, so until next time, see ya! 🙂