Being misgendered is really painful.

So, recently I have had work, wont name the company because what I’m writing haven’t got anything to do with them, but a few colleagues. Well, and myself, a bit, for not speaking up, but I’ll explain why.

So, for 3 days, I have been working at a racecourse, I won’t say where, but I was working in the kitchens away from punters eyes and around a lot of staff. Most of whom, was misgendering me, constantly.

And I couldn’t say anything. Even when I tried I got talked over and it made it harder for me to speak up. Like I had a mental block and they just kept on talking, making a presumtion that I was a hetero male who wants kids and get married. They absolutly were closed minded about who I was as an individual and making automatic assumtions and made it difficult for me to speak up and tell them I’m nothing of the sort in their head.

Eventually I did get to tell one of them that I am a girl, not a guy on the last day. Yet, I still got misgendered, even been referred to as a “gentlemen” by one of those guys. The second day, which was also the first day being around a certain group for 2 days, was the worst. I felt like absolute crap, constantly misgendered and had either an anxiety attack or maybe was feeling very dysphoric, as this was hugely triggering. I didn’t think I’d ever get misgendered so badly it would happen all day, for I thought that it couldn’t hapen now, after being on HRT for 3 years, but I guess my voice or the dreaded beard shadow gives people a different perception of who I am. It felt like a massive wake up call for me, as I was taking it for granted that people saw me as a woman, yet, I was proven wrong at a workplace environment.

 

After leaving work on the second day and after talking to my girlfriend Alice on the phone, I cried. I cried after getting home and being held by Alice. I hadn’t felt so pathetic and dismissive by strangers before in my life and it really hurt so, so badly. I’m glad that hellish 3 days is over.

I shouldn’t be in love with a company to work there.

I read this article last week in the Telegraph about companies like McD’s that has a cultish workplace, where all the staff loves to display how happy they are to work at said place and it’s the same for many companies, big and small! And this additude that staff should automatically enjoy working at their workplaces and would do everything they’re asked for, including more of their time, before they’re even hired, is coming… or is already here, in the UK.

 

Now, as someone who is unemployed most of the time, when applying for work the dreaded questions is usually present. Question, specifically, like “why do you want to work for us?”

Well, now. Maybe it’s because I need to work and earn money to buy things and pay the rent and other bills. It’s not like I would specifically target a company just because I actually “like” them or anything…. right?

Well, I would assume it’s the same for other people. For companise to go on the assumption all the time that people would want to work for them because of the companies past successes is very misleading. Some people do though, but usually most people would work elsewhere to build experience and qualifications before getting their dream job at the big leagues (if you will).

Take, for example, wrestlers. A lot of them wretle for years across the world before landing in the WWE. They don’t expect to get a job at the WWE like their mother handing them food on a plate when they were babies.

But, I’m not a career type of person and would prefer to just simply apply for a job filling up drinks at a bar or cleaning up plates as a kitchen porter or talking to people in a call center. Get something simple like those and pay my way. Saving up for nice things like new computer hardware for my custom PC that I’m using right now to type this up right here on my barely used blog gimmick.

(And spend my money on other things, not forgetting to paying rent too).

 

So, next time I come across questions like “Why do you want to work for us?”, I’ll just simply say, “Coz I need money to pay for this gimmick called rent and bills and food and etc.”

 

I guess I’m really just expressing my annoyences in applying for work and just want to get through the basics and questions should be saved for interviews.

Lost job, can’t get new one. Voice therapy and Prides.

So…. I’ve lost my job about a month ago. No big deal as the manager was an……. well, i just didn’t like the guy one bit, there was something massively ‘off’ about him.

It was zero hours and i was getting less then the Jobseekers Allowance. So, i would have quitted anyway. It was a dead end job with no real opportunities to move on up at all.

And now, i’m having difficulties getting a new job, i can’t even get a volutary position at the Citizens Advice Bureau because i “don’t have enough experience to deal with the preassures”. Which is bullshit because i know what it’s like to be in a preasured environment where i have to work my butt off just to make sure everything is running smothly. All i wanted to do is reception role, which should be fairly straight forward so i don’t know what makes them think i can’t do something that i can do. This is the same for every receptionist job vacancy i’ve ever applied for. I’m absolutly sure i can do that kind of work but am always rejected. This is a major pain in the arse because too many companys/boses wants “experienced” people and not those who might not have it but who could, potentially, be very good at the job, given time.

 

Moving on, i now have a date and time for my first Speach Feminisation Therapy at the main hospital. I have tried a little bit of trying to train my voice on my own but i need some professional help and i am glad that i have managed to get some now.

 

Also coming up later this month is the Suffolk Pride down at Ipswich, Suffolk. I will be going there, i have my train tickets already and it will be my first pride event AND my first ever visit to Ipswich, and i already have in mind what to wear. My purple skirt, my current new shoes, tights and this new top i had recently bought and worn just yesterday (The necklace is new too, bought at a antiques store).

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Next month is the Norwich Pride, not sure what i’ll wear to that one just yet though.

 

Lastly, been waiting to hear from All About Trans about any future interactions in Norfolk or Suffolk, sadly, there doesn’t appear to be any yet. I hope there will be as i would like to be more involved with LGBT stuff, especially Trans related things, instead of just engaging the community on twitter and at the trans meetings every month. The point of All About Trans is talking to media representatives from newspapers, local radio, local bloggers etc.and try to have them see that trans people are human beings who, like themselves, are just trying to get by in life,preferably without getting any abuse or ridicule.  And i’m hoping to do this soon. I’m looking forward to it.

 

Well, i think that is everything. I’ll be considering making my next blog post all about….. suffolk pride!

 

Until next time, take care you beautiful people!